Friday, September 19, 2014

What if ?

I'll be the first to admit that technology totally rules my life. I'm guilty....I sleep with my phone under my pillow, I wake up checking emails and texts, I FWD (Facebook while driving) and do various other technology related activities while on the road. I have about an hour commute in the evenings from work to home. I have time to think, check emails and I'll even admit that I do read when I'm stopped at lights. I'm addicted to technology!

As I was driving home from work today, I decided to put the phone in my purse out of sight and mind - okay just out of sight...and I got to thinking, "What if?" What if I hadn't agreed to go out on that first date with my husband 29 years ago? I definitely wouldn't be sitting in this same traffic, at this very light headed to the home I've lived in with my husband for the last 11 years. Where would I be now if I hadn't accepted his marriage proposal? Would I still be a single mom struggling to make ends meet with a plethora of credit card debt? Would I be driving a nice car? What would I even look like? And would I have met someone else and had that third child? Maybe, maybe not.

When I met my husband, I was a struggling single mom. I had two kids and life was hard. I totally enjoyed being single but I'll have to admit that the holidays and going to special events solo got old very FAST. I wanted someone in my life but I was too picky. Quite frankly, I wanted someone, but then again I didn't. Can anyone else relate to that? My kids and my job were my life and did I really want to let someone else into that protected coveted circle?

At age 31, I'd already gone through 2 - yes 2 divorces and I wasn't ready to jump into the marriage and commitment thing again. I loved my independence but on the other hand, I hated having to make all of the decisions and have everyone depend on ME. I hated having to live on only one income and the every day hassles of single life. Men take care of things - let's face it. They know what to do when you have car trouble. They know what to do when something breaks at the house. They know...well you get what I mean.

So when my husband proposed, I knew I loved him but was I ready to take the plunge again? Was he being truthful when he told me that my tenacity and independent spirit were two of the things that attracted him most to me or was that just a line of BS? I did some hard soul searching and actually made myself a list. I remember doing it. I took a piece of paper, drew a line straight down the middle and added headings: 'Pros/Cons'

I found that my column of pros far outweighed the cons and I took a hard serious look at my life. This man I fell in love with had never been married, had no kids but was more than happy to accept both of my kids as his own. I even told him about all my debt and he didn't bail.

29 years later, I have three wonderful kids (Hubby and I had one together). My kids are incredibly close and call each other "My brother" or "My sister". There is no 'step' in our family and I realize that my list of pros proved to be right. Is my husband perfect? No. Am I perfect? As much as I'd like to think so.... no, I'm not. We've built an incredible life together and our kids are testament to that. We also have 3 beautiful grandchildren. Our kids never got into trouble, they went to college, have good jobs and are productive members of society. They've found their soul mates.

My youngest son will marry his beautiful soulmate in November, the day after my 60th birthday and the circle will be complete.

My 'what if' conversation with myself on my way home today reassured me that I truly did make the right decision. I took the plunge and it paid off.  When life gives you a second chance, embrace it like there's no tomorrow! I did and it paid off.....


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